Today's Moral: Be Honest With Yourself

Would you like to hear a story? Well, if not, get the hell off this site, because here comes a story.

So on Thursday, she introduces herself to me. We have been in a few philosophy classes together but haven't talked. She's a cute philosophy major and as I find out from a fantastic description of trail running, likes to "challenge her mind and body." This is about where I'm getting hooked.

We have a class together in an hour that she doesn't know if she'll continue taking. We decide to get some tea, talk about some things, and so on. In this time it becomes obvious that I'm a space - maybe caring or clever, perhaps even insightful - but definitely not one who lives like most. There's a lot of laughing. She, for one, is funny.

So we show up a bit late to class and after I ask if she'd like to go on an adventure this weekend. Yes! And now, the kicker, my phone is currently broken and must be replaced so I explain this and get her last name to send her a message on facebook and we decide to coordinate there for the time being. I send her a message late that night, she adds me as a friend the next morning, but doesn't respond to the message.

So what's going on?

Dating/relationship/girls-themed internet boards produce exactly this kind of story, with exactly this kind of dumbass concluding question, all the time. Every third post is one of these. The truth is, the guy that wrote this is reasonably bright, and so we can be sure he knows exactly what's going on. He just lacks the spine to face it and say it to himself (or type the words and read them off his screen).

SPOILERS AHEAD: What's going on is she's not into you. She never was. She liked shooting the breeze with you when there wasn't anything immediately interesting to do, and she may well even have begun by now to value you as a friend. But never, not once, was she even the tiniest bit interested in having sex with you.

This happens to guys all the time because, again, they are sissies and they're unwilling to admit to themselves that I'm not good enough for her. They know this on a deep-down level--and it always, always shows through well enough for women to see--but won't admit it, and so won't try to improve themselves. They'll just harass women of higher status than themselves, be repeatedly rejected, and end up married to someone on their own level (about a 4 or 5) and addicted to internet porn until their wife gets caught fucking some random coworker.

Here, watch what happens next:

My current plan is to (playfully) give her some **** about it next time I see her and try to figure it out from there. Seems like a bad idea to try to get in touch with her by any means before Tuesday, our next class together if she stays.

Of course that's his plan. He can't acknowledge he's not good enough for her and let it go. So he'll ask her about it, and she'll make up a lame and open-ended excuse like "oh, I was just too tired/busy, maybe some other time" that's intentionally lame and open-ended because she wants him to get the hint that she's not interested without actually saying it. Because attractive women learn by their mid-teens that coming right out and saying "I'm not interested" is near-guaranteed to make the interested guy flip the fuck out. Women lie and are indirect for their own protection.

You're still curious about how this guy should have played this, once he was there? Well, the girl's already expressed willingness to be friends; he should forget about bedding her and be her friend. Once she senses he's okay with being strictly friends and won't try to get in her pants the first time she gets mildly drunk, she'll invite him to an outing--where he'll meet other girls.

But if he were smart enough to know all that, he might have had a chance with Philosophy Girl in the first place.

....oh. While we're here, one more thing at the end of this dude's story:

And yes, something very similar to this happened with the last one, as you may have read a while ago. Maybe this one has a boyfriend too.

Yet another guy that (possibly willfully) doesn't understand the boyfriend concept. A girl has a boyfriend only if the guy she's talking to doesn't represent a potential upgrade. (And if she thinks you're not a potential upgrade over sleeping alone, she'll tell you she has a boyfriend even if she in fact has not had sex in six months.)



The first response to the long story in my previous post was this:

wow so you sent her a message on thursday and she totally blew you off? You're done with her. I would have saved myself a lot of pain and effort if I lived by the "one strike you're out" rule about girls flaking on me prior to figuring it out for myself the hard way.

"You're done with her" is right so far as anything romantic goes. Which only makes sense since she's already made it clear she's done with you. He's wrong about cutting her off from your life altogether, though, and he might know that. That's advice I might give a spineless guy, because being through with a girl that blows you off is a part of the spine-growing process. But it's much better to maintain this girl's friendship. Everyone in your life that likes you is one more link to other people (and that's especially important when you're on the hunt for sex partners.)